Have you been noticing these toxic exhausting relationships that keep popping up in our timelines and group chats? This thing that has started normalizing struggle love? Have you’ve seen it too? The chaos, disrespect, and the emotional roller coasters that get glamorized like they’re something to aspire to. And then, right when the dust settles, here comes the “I’m sorry” gift a purse, some shoes, a little something to smooth over the same behavior that keeps breaking her spirit. Suddenly the pictures go up, the comments roll in, and it’s framed like a win. But if we’re honest with ourselves… it’s not a win or relationship goals.
And I know many of us have either lived it, watched someone we love live it, or felt pressured to accept it because “that’s just how relationships are.” Somewhere along the way, we got so used to the struggle that we forgot what healthy love even looks like. We started mistaking survival for commitment and chaos for passion. Because once we name the mindset, we can challenge it. And once we challenge it, we can choose something healthier and more aligned with who we truly are. And that’s exactly where this conversation is headed. Consider this your heartfelt memo, queen to queen. The kind that lovingly taps you on the shoulder and says, “Alright now, let’s do better.” Here are a few tips to help you get on the path to getting off the struggle love bus and taking a new route.
Change Your Mindset
But let’s be real this struggle love mentality it’s not a win. It’s a cycle of dysfunction dressed up with gifts, apologies, and temporary attention. Too many women have been conditioned to believe that being mistreated is just a part of love. That as long as he comes home tonight, says sorry, and provides something material, the constant disrespect is forgivable. And somewhere along the way, a dangerous mindset crept in that believes having a man…any man…is better than no man at all.
Breaking that mindset is not easy but it can start with one brave decision: choosing yourself first. Choosing to pause, reflect, and ask, “What do I need? What do I deserve? And what would my life look like if I stopped normalizing this drama and heartbreak?”
Being Alone Is Not The Enemy
This type of thinking is harmful to so many women in our community. Being alone is not the enemy. Settling for pain, disrespect, manipulation, and harmful behavior is. Love should never feel like survival. It should never keep you on edge waiting for the next drama filled scene. It should not require you to fell small, compromise your worth, or accept anything less than mutual respect. We need to break free from the narratives that say staying to put up with foolishness equals loyalty. We need to evaluate what commitment looks like and let this “ride or die” mindset go, and start choosing our self worth in the process.
Know Your Worth
If you are repeatedly caught in a toxic love cycle, it’s okay to step out of it. You deserve a love that uplifts you, not one that exhausts you. A love that speaks life not drama and trauma. Love doesn’t have to hurt in order to be real. Let’s model healthier relationships. Let’s raise the standard. Let’s stop praising toxicity just because it looks cute dressed up in designer or it comes in a tall, dark, and handsome package.
You are worthy of love that is genuine, special, and beautiful. The kind that brings peace to your spirit and joy back to your face. And if the first step toward that kind of love is learning how to be whole on your own, then honor that season, sis.Because the truth is simple: You don’t have to keep entertaining cycles that drain you, confuse you, or make you shrink. That’s not love, and it’s not your portion. You deserve connection that feels safe, genuine, and not chaos dressed up as chemistry.
If you have been in the toxic relationship cycle, don’t be hard on yourself. Give YOU some grace and move forward. Sometimes you have to decide to leaving something behind that is damaging to your growth and moving towards God’s best for your life. We can block our own blessings at times by staying in dysfunction. Reclaim your peace, set your standards, and put God first. It’s about choosing to build a life where love adds to you, not subtracts from you. Where partnership feels like right and makes you feel happy, not always exhausted.
Sis, are you enjoying this space? Don’t just visit, keep coming back! Become a Crown Partner and join the community. Visit here to learn more.